How many widows does it take to change a light bulb?

My husband, Jim, had been an artist and homemaker for the last 10 months.  This change in the structure of our lives and who had a salary and who did not was always part of our master plan, but it kicked in a few years ahead of schedule when Jim was laid off in June of 2017.

While I went to the office every day, Jim wrote and he created.  He took care of the house.  He cleaned, he cooked, he shopped.  I still took care of our finances, but he did the lion’s share of the housework, the laundry, etc.  I love to cook, but Jim insisted he was going to take on the work.  He refused my offer to cook a couple of nights a week so he could focus on his art.

When he died, I was left in a role that seemed like a traditionally “male” role instead of the role a woman would typically find herself in.  I was lost in my own kitchen.  I couldn’t find anything.  I didn’t know what food we had, what in the refrigerator was still good or what was in the pantry.  I hadn’t grocery shopped in ages, aside from running into the store for one or two things.  I couldn’t find the cleaning supplies.  I didn’t know if I needed to buy more cat litter or trash bags or toilet paper.  Being lost in my kitchen was especially odd for me, as I had been a chef during the first part of our marriage.

At the same time, there were traditionally “male” things that I couldn’t do.  I didn’t know how to change the light bulb in my own kitchen, in a house I had lived in for more than 11 years.  When your husband is over 6’4”, you don’t change a lot of light bulbs.  I need a stepladder to reach the fixtures; he could just reach up and do it.  Within 72 hours of his death, I was standing on my neighbor’s porch, holding a halogen light bulb and thinking, “How many widows does it take to change a light bulb?”  Too soon?  I giggled to myself thinking how Jim would have laughed at that.  My neighbor, Brad, came over to help me, with instructions that he had to TEACH me, not just do it for me.

I’ve since changed a few more light bulbs.  (Why do we have so many halogen light fixtures in this house?)  I’m going to have to do things I haven’t done before, like patch the cracked plaster in the office.  I’ll learn, I will.

In the meantime:

How many widows does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh, honey, not a one, not if there is a big, strong, handsome man living right next door.